It’s been a while since I’ve posted but it’s the new year so I want to let you know my plans for this site over 2011. Many of you know I keep a few blogs including TheDADvocateProject.com, Metzgerbusiness.com and now RoadToThin.com and Kevin-Metzger.com. Technically Kevin-Metzger.com isn’t a blog as I don’t post anything to that site and RoadToThin.com is a partnership with three other men. I also write at 5minutesForSpecialNeeds.com, DadRevolution.com, DadOMatic.com and soon the EastCobber.com. so you can see I’m quite busy. This site has lost focus over time and I had to think about how it fit into the other work I’m doing. Really this site and my work at 5MinutesForSpecialNeeds.com is very complimentary and I’ll be refocusing on issues related to ADD, Dyslexia and Cerebral Palsy specifically on this site. I’ll promise a weekly article to be published on Tuesdays and a reference to the article I write at 5 minutes for special needs on Thursdays. If my audience would like I’ll also point to any other articles I’ve published that week.

The one thing that I think many in this audience will miss is the Dad/family focus that many of the stories I write have. If you are among one of those readers please go over to TheDADvocateProject.com and choose to sigh up for the news letter. Most to all of my dad/family articles will be posted on that site moving forward.

Regards,
Kevin

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My new friend’s name is Sally and you can buy your custom cane/crutch from her at EveryKidMobility.com. (Disclaimer: This is not an affiliate link and I currently have no business relation with Sally other than purchasing a cane from her. http://cmp.ly/0)

Sally and I have been talking and it turns out she has CP herself and is quite an impressive person. On top of writing a children’s book she also wrote an article form the perspective of a special needs child to her parents. It is wonderful and moved me, so I asked if I could share it with you, my readers. Sally agreed so here it is:

10 Things I Wish You Knew

a note from a special kid to special parents

You are the perfect parents for me.

I know that you did not sign up for a kid like me- I also know that you sometimes think you cannot face what it takes to raise me. I want you to know that this is not true. I believe that I chose you. Whatever you need to learn, you will learn, The strength you think you need will come from somewhere. the people you need to meet will show up when you need them.

This is the perfect life for me.

My life is a very sepecial one. I believe that I will impact the world in aa unique and wonderful way. Remember this when you heart is breaking because you want a path fo me that is so much easier than this one.

I need you to find your own spiritual path.

Sometimes you will feel tired and helpless and like you cannot care for me one more day. sometimes you will be mad because there seems to be no excaping me. That is OK- There is no way you could take care of me without having those days. Sometimes you may watch people look at me and be a bit embarressed that I am not doing better- that does not make you a bad parent… it just means you are human. Know that when you have lots of these days in a row, it is time for you to get somebody else to take care of me, just long enough for you to regenerate yourself. It is always important that you let people help you. I am depending on you to do whateveryou need to do to take care of yourself.

However I feel about my disability is OK.

Some days you will be amazed at what a happy contented person I am and you will wonder how in the world I do it. Treasure those days. Some days I will be discouraged, some days I will be mad, some days I will feel really sorry for myself. Don’t panic, I will come back around again. If you let me express these unattractive feelings, they have much less power. Even typical folks feel sorry for themselves sometimes.

Let me try things I want to try, even if you are sure I will fail.

I know that you want to protect me- that is your job, I am your child. But I need you to understand that my survival is always going to depend on my determination. Part of my own process is to figure out what my limitations really are. Sometimes I may want to try to do things that seem impossible to you. Please encourage me anyway. It is the willingness to try that is importatn- succes is a bonus. Know that if I fail, I will get over it. If you make me scared to try, I am really doomed.

Don’t worry about my whole life today.

Sometimes you will drive yourself crazy worring about how my life will turn out. You will lose hours of sleep trying to figure out how I will survive in the world after you are gone. This is not helpgul to me. Just help me stay in today. The more you can focus on whatever we have to face today, the more you will be helping me develop the skills I will need when it is time for me to get along without you.

Sometimes people will be mean to me or scared of me. I expect you to stick up for me but, I do not expect you to change the world.

There are lots of really wonderful people in the world. You and I will meet many of them. There are also some real jerks who will be afraid of me or not treat me fairly. They will assume things about me that are not true. They may even assume things about you tat are not true. you may want to blow their brains out. I may want to do the same. I expect you to speak up for me when you can. But I also need for you to be able to let it go. It will not help me if you are mad and defensive all the time. If you are, there are people who may not want to help me just because it is too hard for them to deal with you.

Finding good doctors and professionals is important but, you know me better than they do- I expect you to trust  your own instincts about what is good for me.

The doctors and therapists that work with me are going to be very important in the quality of my life. Some of them will be amazing and some of them will be pretty crazy.  Often, it will be up to you to decide which is which. Listen to them, and know that what they say is important but, also remember that you know me best. If something they suggest does not feel right to you, listen to the small voice and speak up.

I really hope we can laugh.

Ibelieve that laughing was probably God’s best idea- It will be the one thing that can bring joy to our lives the quickest- If I get stuck in a mud puddle, it is probably funny. If you are lifting me and we both fall on the floor in a heap, that is probably funny too. A good joke is worth taking the time to laugh at- Help me not get so caught up in the serious problems we face every day to forget about laughing.

Sally R. Brown

Sally, Thank you so much for giving me this gift. As I read and re-wrote your article again on my blog I believe I could probably write an article about every topic you listed and I might just do that, but the last one moved me to joyful tears as I thought about my daughters infectus laugh that truly brightens everyones day who hears it. We too laugh when she is walking into a room and then just Disapears. “Haley, were did you go? You just disapeared.” “Dad, I’m down here.” “Oh, how did you get down there I thought you just disappeared.” This conversation ends in us cracking up all the time.

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I was not brought up to be competitive in sports. My dad perhaps afraid of what he could be like if he let himself go was reserved in encouraging us to compete. He was a skinny athletic guy who said he was never good at sports but I think he may have been. I also think he was probably pushed to compete when he didn’t want to and he was afraid of doing the same thing to us.

My dad also liked to workout but he never wanted to work out with me. Working out to him was all about working hard and there was no social, or fun in it. As such I think I hated working out for a long time because I thought it had to be hard and work.

Recently Haley competed in a swim meet. She participates on a swim team for kids with disabilities. She really enjoys swimming and is quite good at it but she is slow. At least she was before the operation because she was fighting with her self to kick in spite of her spacticity and had to remember to move her arms at the same time. When she competed even in the disability league she still came in last or next to last and believe it or not they were actually handing out ribbons. I have no problem with this and they were giving ribbons to all the kids but they said the place they finished so the ribbons did indicate how well they swam. My daughter didn’t particularly pay attention to her placement or how she swam compared to the other kids. She was just having a good time which is great. But sometimes she asks “why are things harder for me”, ” Why am I always last.” Right now she really wants the results from the operation to help her run at least as fast as the slowest boy.

So I’m watching this swim meet and reflecting on my thoughts on competition, how I was raised in respect to competition, what I think about competition as a direct result of how I was raised, what I think about competition in respect to my goals of running a half marathon, and I realized that I really don’t know what to tell my daughter about athletic competition. And then I realized that I do or at leas I think I do…

1) Sports are important. They are social and keep you healthy. They are a fun way to work out.
2) Some folks are into competition in sports and that’s cool. Sports is one area of life where you can compete with others but they are not all about competition with others. Sports are about doing as best as you can and being your best. You can compete with others but there will always be someone better and someone worse. That isn’t a reason not to compete and your toughest competition should always be you. If you work your hardest people will want to keep playing with you and they will help you do your best.
3) There are other areas of life where you are going to do better than other people and you want to help and encourage those people in that area of life who are trying to do their best, just like you want to be encouraged where you are trying your best.
4) There is no reason you can’t work out with friends.

Oh yeah and one more thing. My daughters ask me if they could run with me tonight before I was leaving to go. So I promised them that I would take them on a run tomorrow.

What do you think? Do I have the right perspective? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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MySpellingSucks – This site was started as a blog to discuss my(our) challenges raising Haley. Even though the blog has stayed true to that it didn’t take long to realize that I like talking about (both, now all) my kids. Oh Yeah, I predicted yesterday that Isaac would be sitting by himself. I told my wife he can do it he just doesn’t know it yet. Today he is sitting. (ADD). So this blog will pretty much continue to discuss treatments for Haley, challenges we have and try to stay focused on CP, ADD and Dyslexia. I’ll of course continue to tell the occasional family story and continue to find inspirational stories to tell about folks who overcome diversity. Let me know if you know of any stories worth checking out.

TheDADvocateProject – As any regular reader knows I was awarded the East cobber father of the year for a story I wrote on my blog. That made me think about all the men who are working hard to be a dad and how things had changed since we grew up. They have and they haven’t. I know the concept of work-life balance started coming into vogue in the early 90′s but it’s my generation of parent who grew up understanding that companies could give a flip about their employees because their responsibility is to the stock holder. So I think we have taken a different approach to life and engage on the home front much more so than our fathers did because we don’t feel the same loyalty to give up our family life for the gold watch that never comes. The DADvocate project will have 3 posts per week and will provide a monthly news letter. Post will go up Monday, Wednesday and Friday. To learn more about the project and check out the new site head over to The DADvocate Project.

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In all honesty the weekend started out kind of sucky, I had some kind of stomach virus accompanied by fever and chills on Friday night. It lasted for about 8 hours and then I basically felt better. Saturday was Haley’s birthday party. We celebrated it at a brand new local yogurt shop called Yougli-Mogli and they did an awesome job and the kids had a great time dancing, singing and making their own yogurt Sundays.

After the party my wife and I celebrated our ninth anaversary. We didn’t have any specific plans but it was a wonderful date. We drove over to the movies but didn’t see anything we wante to watch so I suggested we head over to the park. At the park we went for short walk and then sat down in the grass. in the sun. It was supprisingly relaxing and neither of us could remeber the last time we sat down and relxed in the grass. It’s absolutely amazing how much life has changed in the last nigh years. After sitting in the park, neither of us were hungry so we headed over to Big Lots and walked around. For dinner we went to Texas Roadhouse. It was a nice meal and we enjoyed eachother’s company. We had finished dinner by seven and were trying to think of something else to do so I suggested roller-skating. I went last weekend with Haley and thought it might be fun. It was, although we are debating how cheesey it may have been to go roller skating on an anniversay date. Regardless we had a blast and it was a fun date.

Today I demonstrated that it was okay to pick up worms and I convinced my younger daughter to touch one. I probably should have done this eariler so my older daughter wouldn’t think they are too discusting to touch. My recommendation to dad’s is show your daughters worms when there young so they won’t think there discusting when they’re older. We also watched movies, played on the swing set, picked up sticks and had a great family day.

FYI for all the DADvocats – The new site is starting to come along. You may have seen the web site actually changed over the weeked but I’m very much experimenting and changing things right now. I’ll ask for your thoughts as I move it along. I’d still like to get some feed back on the braning.

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Haley and I have been doing a “Saturday’s with Daddy and Haley” video. I haven’t been publishing them but there cute and perhaps I will. We actually didn’t do the video today but we got to spend the whole day together which was awesome. I woke up early today and fed Isaac and then Haley and I got ready and I took her to horseback. While Haley was riding I went for about a 3 mile walk in the country. It was very pleasant. After horseback Haley and I went to a friends rollerskating birthday party.

The idea of a roller skating party had me really nervous. I knew it would be difficult for Haley but I’m of the mindset that if she puts her mind to it she can do it. Turns out that this has been the biggest gift I’ve been able to give Haley because she really believes it and just worked her tush off to skate. For anybody who is somewhat new to this blog Haley has Cerebral Palsy. The CP gives her stiff mussels which affects her balance. Haley really kicked but and we fell together a few times but we both had fun and I got an incredible workout.

When we got home we decided to go to the park and Haley rode her bike all the way to the park. She did awesome. Then we played at the park. I tried to get her to practice swinging by herself but that went a little sour on me and she started crying. Once we got over that and mommy came to the park to save the day, mommy actually got her swinging. Super mom saves the day as usual. But then we played tag for a while with Abby. Oh yeah Abby saw four older girls and decided to become their friend. She introduced herself and even danced. Every time she got shy she ran away to the slides.

Speaking of Abby, Haley’s birthday is coming up. Abby, got Haley a gift. It’s a movie that Haley has been asking for. Well Abby decides to tell Haley what it is and Haley doesn’t really believe her. But what’s really funny is Abby says “I’m not supposed to tell you but we got you ” then someone says to Abby not to say that and she says under her breath “but we really did”. If you know Abby you can picture her saying this in her Elmer Fudish way.

God it’s crazy but Isaac actually went for his first swing today and he eat a whole jar of peas. Last night he actually puked on my head. I though he was going to give me a big open moth babby kiss and as I brought him towards my face BAM! puke on Daddy’s head. He just smiled at me…that little disgusting twerp is so cute. Hes getting strong and I think he’ll be sitting up and crawling before we know it.

Just felt like writing a little tonight and capturing these thoughts before they faded away. Haley if you ever read this some day in the future I want you to know, how very proud I am of you today. You took it to the next level and kicked some but. I Love you and you had fun the whole day. Oh yeah I feel asleep with you tonight too. You were talking about how much nicer it is to sleep in your own bed than it is to sleep anywhere else. Finally, I also helped your mommy pack your party favors. Hopefully one day she’ll start a birthday party business. She comes up with just awesome ideas.

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